Wednesday, May 30, 2012

A Proposal for Facebook Plus

After processing the revelation that Facebook makes $4.34 per user, I had an idea for a new premium service they could offer.

It would be called "Facebook Plus," a big middle finger to a certain other Internet company.

Users who subscribe to it would be shown no ads. They would not be targeted for new services or products. Facebook would not sell their profile pictures to other companies for use on dating sites. They would not allow third-party apps to post to these users' profiles. They would not track these users' online activity. They would not mine their online data to create marketing profiles or research consumer habits.

It would cost $5 a year.

It will never happen.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Apple vs Aperture

Leaked image from Apple's new advertising campaign.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

The New Turing Test

Even as we approach the point when a computer capable of passing the Turing Test finally starts to seem achievable, people are slowly starting to realize that this long-sought pinnacle of artificial intelligence might not be such a significant milestone after all. What would the benefit of a computer that can convincingly imitate a human being actually be? What could its practical applications be? Tricking people into joining dating sites? Spamming them? Stealing their personal information through phishing schemes?

The New Turing Test, one which has the potential to have a real positive impact on human civilization, is this: Can we create a computer capable of designing another computer more powerful than itself?

Friday, March 09, 2012

There isn't going to be an iPhone 5 REVISITED

In light of this week's "new iPad" announcement, I'm going to go out on a limb and predict the name of the next iPhone model:


When necessary for disambiguation, the full model name will be "iPhone (6th generation)" - just like the iPod product line.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

There isn't going to be an iPhone 5

I don't know why more people haven't thought this through, but:

1st generation: the original iPhone
2nd generation: iPhone 3G
3rd generation: iPhone 3GS
4th generation: iPhone 4
5th generation: iPhone 4S
6th generation: ...

The next iPhone model might be the iPhone 6, or the iPhone LTE, or the iPhone WiMAX, or some rebranding we can't foresee. But there is no way it's going to be called the iPhone 5. That's not the way Apple thinks.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Yet Another (and Another) Star Wars Themed Twitter Account

From the guys who brought you some jokes, comes some Twitter accounts, with ... some other jokes:


Monday, November 15, 2010

Cowboy Zombie

This morning - in between the time I hit snooze and when my alarm went off again - I had a dream that I was singing this song. All I remembered was that it was called "Cowboy Zombie," so I wrote some lyrics for it today. It's a country song, of course.

Cowboy Zombie

Once there was this tough son of a bitch
Who ran afoul of a prairie witch
That witch lay a curse, this is what she said:
“Son you won’t rest even when yer dead”

Years went by ‘n that cowboy was fine
‘Til he beat the wrong guys fair ‘n square in a fight
They were bad dudes and they followed him home
They torched his truck and his dog named Bo

They shot his girl dead right in front of his eyes
Then they dug a grave and he was buried alive
Four weeks missing and he never was found
‘Til cowboy zombie clawed outta the ground

Cowboy zombie, please don’t eat my brain
I’m sorry for all the things I said
Cowboy zombie, don’t rip out my heart
You’re the reason I’m ascared of the dark

I hope you find what you’re lookin’ for
A banshee wife and a vampire horse
A skeleton herd that will rise from the grave
And werewolf rustlers you can chase

Cowboy zombie showed me how to live
Never forget and never forgive
He hunted them down with no regrets
Dyin’s no reason not to square your debts

Fell upon each of ‘em in the dead of the night
They screamed for mercy as he ate ‘em alive
Live and let live, ain’t that what they say?
But an eye for an eye is the cowboy way

Cowboy zombie, you’re quick and you’re dead
Unless someone shoots you right square in the head
I hope one day you find the peace of the grave
Or at least the Peacemaker what they stole from your safe

guitar solo, then:

Cowboy zombie, they’re hunting you
They got a priest and a posse too
Cowboy zombie, you’re a bad ass dude
With your Stetson-wearing, shit-kickin’ attitude

I hope you find what you’re lookin’ for
A banshee wife and a vampire horse
A herd of ghost cattle who roam the night
And werewolf rustlers you can fight

Cowboy zombie, I can’t wake up
The voices in my head just won’t shut up
I seen things I can’t understand
And don’t remember bein’ in a country band

Cowboy zombie, I’m sorry you’re dead
Or walking- or un- or whatever you is
Cowboy zombie, this dream won’t end
Cowboy zombie, you were my best friend