Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The Truth About Alcohol

I came across this pamphlet at ampm last night. It has some very important things to say that I think everyone should hear.

Title

Like many of mankind’s greatest inventions, alcohol was discovered accidentally. In the case of alcohol, it was stumbled upon by two lab workers too awkward to express their true feelings for one another.

Lab

Today, alcohol is still primarily used to facilitate the hooking-up process. However, when used irresponsibly for this purpose, alcohol may result in children or - in extreme cases - even marriage.

Kids
Church

There Are Three Distinct Stages of Intoxication

Chatty

1) Chatty
- You become smarter
- You become funnier

Touchy

2) Touchy
- You lose your inhibitions
- Articles of clothing mysteriously vanish

Catatonic

3) Catatonic
- You pass the hell out
- Coma or death may occur

The Risks

In fact, as strange as it may sound, there are actually risks involved with alcohol use, including:

Making Poor Life Decisions

For example, dreadlocks on a white guy.

Dreadlocks

Saying Things You Don’t Really Mean

Shopping

Encountering Laser Ghost Cars from the Future

Lasers

Alcohol Abuse Inevitably Leads to Hangovers

Vanilla

This is no cause for concern, however. Simply remain in bed until the hangover symptoms subside.

Bed

Millions of Adults are Actually Nondrinkers

These people are either:

Lonely

1) Lonely

or

Losers

2) Losers

We hope that these facts have increased your understanding of our old friend alcohol. If you enjoyed this pamphlet, please look into our other educational materials, including:

Aspirin: The Silent Killer

Aspirin

brought to you by The Ministry of Counter Propaganda

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Disturbing the Peace

Today at work a memo went around about playing music:

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Subject: Music within cubicles

Please do not play music through your speakers within the cubicles. If you would like to listen to music, please be respectful of your neighbors and use headphones. Others may not have the same musical tastes as you or may not be able to concentrate with the music on. Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
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Well, in our department we all listen to music a lot. Loud. So I felt compelled to respond with this snapshot of Mario:

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From: Brent Don
Subject: RE: Music within cubicles

Over. Our. Dead. Bodies.

Mario
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Mario, not to be outdone, contributed this photo of me:

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From: Mario Villavicencio
Subject: RE: Music within cubicles

MUSIC IS LIFE

Brent