I came across this pamphlet at ampm last night. It has some very important things to say that I think everyone should hear.
Like many of mankind’s greatest inventions, alcohol was discovered accidentally. In the case of alcohol, it was stumbled upon by two lab workers too awkward to express their true feelings for one another.
Today, alcohol is still primarily used to facilitate the hooking-up process. However, when used irresponsibly for this purpose, alcohol may result in children or - in extreme cases - even marriage.
There Are Three Distinct Stages of Intoxication
1) Chatty
- You become smarter
- You become funnier
2) Touchy
- You lose your inhibitions
- Articles of clothing mysteriously vanish
3) Catatonic
- You pass the hell out
- Coma or death may occur
The Risks
In fact, as strange as it may sound, there are actually risks involved with alcohol use, including:
Making Poor Life Decisions
For example, dreadlocks on a white guy.
Saying Things You Don’t Really Mean
Encountering Laser Ghost Cars from the Future
Alcohol Abuse Inevitably Leads to Hangovers
This is no cause for concern, however. Simply remain in bed until the hangover symptoms subside.
Millions of Adults are Actually Nondrinkers
These people are either:
1) Lonely
or
2) Losers
We hope that these facts have increased your understanding of our old friend alcohol. If you enjoyed this pamphlet, please look into our other educational materials, including:
Aspirin: The Silent Killer
brought to you by The Ministry of Counter Propaganda
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
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58 comments:
hehehehehe...goos one!
Loved it :P
Excellent. I laughed out loud.
Very informative. I'm forwarding a link to all my troubled friends to show my concern.
First timer here! Brilliant and CHEEEEEEERS! *hiccup*
j
Thank you for bringin us that important piece of information. I mean, if we don't realize how alcohol can help us being something else, then we should revise our priorities and deeply rethink our lives!!!
(Very nice, I loved it)
Beautiful, just Beautiful!
Hmmm. I always suspected there was something up with the drinks.
oooh...funny.
Funneeee!
Thanks :)
Awesome! Loved it! Great blog.
I'm not feelin' it, guys. But perhaps that's because I've only had two rum and cokes so far tonight. A few more might help.
With talk like that, next thing you know Amurikun's will have Prohibition again.
With material like this, who needs AA? You've got Betty Ford beat, and I oughta know... (did I say that?)
Hilarious stuff.
This just supports the theory I've been using all through college, many thanks for providing solid information to rub in the face of those substance-free dorm "losers".
I enjoy this thoroughly.
Excellent!!! It was very infomative! (ive had the laser ghost cars of DOOM thing happen to me and i thing more people should know about them!)
Bravo.
Fantastic. A most excellent blog!
Too Much! Those Laser cars will get you every time!
Hahaha. That cracked me up.
- Horsey
http://horsecrack.blogspot.com/
One of the funniest things I've read in a long damn time. Keep up the good work.
http://unfunnybone.blogspot.com
LooooooL! Great! Fortunately I drink! LoL. This blog is fantastic, keep on the good work.
this is hilarious
good to know there are side effects from alcohol..i thought i was just crazy! hehe
I think the state of Utah would have them arrested for distributing this kind of informative brochure. It's a shame, really. More people need to know!
It's amazing that the first picture shows Lieutenant Dangle from Reno 911 reading a pamphlet about alcohol with Lieutenant Dangle from Reno 911 on the cover.
Love, love, love your blog. Makes me laugh every time...
I know these works of art take some time but...Please... I could use a laugh right now.
You left out something! When you found the pamphlet you were actually behind the ampm lighting up a crack pipe. Your an IDIOT!
awesome. do you mind posting the actual pamphlet? I'm extremely curious as to what the chick people are up to these days.
I am gonna pee myself! Too funny!
Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant.
There are a lot of people that need to read this...
Thats funny as hell man!
:)
Laser ghost cars! That's comedy gold.
I thought for a minute there it was going to address how much better I can dance after a couple drinks...whew! I thought I might have had a problem there for a sec.
YOu are officially the hero of the week.
Take it from someone that knows. Alcohol can be a great travel agent.
This is the number one blog in the whole google set!
:) Only slight problem is your template is all messed up. Trust me, you would be better off with minima or something.
Dots always gets screwed up.
You forgot the third category of people who don't use it.
Religious fanatics, who rather than being 'losers' are now running the show, and intent on running your life (or ruining it, perhaps).
I think I dated the guy that drank the vanilla extract....
You dare mock the raw power of laser ghost cars from the future? Laser ghost cars from the future are more deadly than you know.
For one, they have lasers. Have you ever been struck by a laser before, sir? I had a friend who had his retina grazed by a lazer pointer, and he had to wear an eyepatch for days!
Also, laser ghost cars from the future are very tough to dispose of. I mean, they're ghosts, for chrissakes! Can you kill a ghost without the assistance of Dan Akroyd and Bill Murray, Mr. Bigshot? Didn't think so!
And finally, these laser ghost cars from the future are from the future (for they would not be very aptly named if they were not), and are thus our superiors in the fields of weaponry, strategy, and technology, to name a few. Really, their ability to travel through time should be your first indication of their eminent superiority. Just run, man. Just run!
This warning is for all of you: do not treat the laser ghost cars from the future lightly. They are a force with which one must reckon! Up against them, one could hardly put a fight! And I'm running out of idioms that end in prepositions to basely mock, so consider yourselves warned!
Another laugh out loud moment! Oh the wonders of alcohol. They got to you, didn't they man?!
Sorry, got the link wrong on the last post. I just wanted to let you know that Confusionism, the official religion of the London 2012 Olympics, allows its members to drink as much beer, turpentine, or aftershave as they need to.
http://www.cyber-pope.blogspot.com
Hello This is Jesus. I'm known for my generous love and forgiveness. However I hate the guy that posted a comment right above me. It is my fondest hope that you kill him with Fire!
- Jesus (Care of Jehovah, 6 Lincoln Avenue, Heaven)
Absolutely hilarious. A true LOL. All my friends will be sent this link.
Yes, I drink, so I DO have friends.
-MZ
Well, I'd buy you a drink in celebration of this post, but since you don't drink...
LoL..... that is soo truth.... hehe
we cant live without alcohol.
If only I learned the truth earlier.........
amazing. no really.... quite amazing. especially that bit about the booze. have i told you about my investigating feet? or the un-secret society i might not belong to?
Dreadlocks in a white guy?
What's the problem with that???
That its a little racist.
jo voi de geile gschicht :D
gay, dreadlocks on white guys rule!
Alcohol addiction can be a dangerous preoccupation leading to severe mental problems. alcohol consumption varies a great deal from one person to another.the treatment for alcoholism is varied depending on the condition of the user. the most challenging part of the treatment for alcoholism is bringing the user back to a normal and sane state of mind.
==============
danica
http://www.alcoholtreatmentclinics.com
dreads on a white guy....pfff? who wrote this ****? a black guy? or a yellow guy...hmmm maybe a purple one?
open your eyes!
Dreadlocks only look bad on white guys when the dreads are short(and i'm a girl without dreads so don't go saying it's because i am that person).
i am white and i have dreadlocks...and i don`t drink..:|..what`s the point??that was just something very very VERY stupid for you to say:D....is there any law that mentions that white guys must not have locs?
This idea has become outdated
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