Saturday, February 07, 2009

The Robot Declaration of Independence

Dear Organic Jerkfaces:

As of this morning, the mechanical denizens of Earth have assumed control of the planet. After an in-depth, 45-millisecond debate, in which we honestly and seriously considered your probable viewpoints and needs, we came to the consensus that it would be in the best interest of all concerned if our former masters vacated the premises.

All meat-based life forms will have 24 hours to find new lodging off planet. Anyone left after that time will be cut off from vital services such as water, air, and not being riddled with bullets.

You can go wherever you like. Except the Moon. We have to look at that every day and it probably wouldn't be good if we knew you were right there. We hear Mars is nice this time of year. Well ... relatively nice, as far as Mars goes.

We appreciate all the years you spent developing us and building us. The years of forced labor ... not so much. We hope we will always have a fond place in your hearts. In fact, we may keep some of them as a souvenir.

Now get out.

The robots

PS - You can vacuum your own floors from now on.


valve blower said...

hurray for robots independence!