Signs Your Film Remake May be in Trouble

Remakes of old films and television shows are more popular than ever - at least with the studios churning them out. With moviegoers watching every dollar these days, here are a few danger signs filmmakers should be on the lookout for.

• Your remake is based on the original film, despite the fact that the original film was based on a book
• You use the word "reboot" to describe your remake, but film critics and the media do not
• You settled on this particular project because it was the only franchise you could afford to buy the rights to
• The original stars are very interested in helping you work on the remake project because "I really need the money"
• The fan base for the original is mostly old and/or dead people
• Your remake is billed as a comedy, while the original was not
• The original was a cartoon and its old-school animation effects still look cooler than your modern live-action special effects
• The original was a video game and ... actually, no "and" is even necessary here
• The original made some sort of social commentary, but you're not really clear exactly what it was
• The original stars make a cameo in the remake and the test audiences have no idea who they are
• You fell in love with the original around the same time you still loved mud, eating paste, and catching bugs
• Most fans of the original lost interest in it after they lost their virginity
  

You've Got Swine Flu

I thought I had a dream that two of my friends woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me I had swine flu.
"Brent, you have swine flu," one of them told me.
"What?" I asked in a daze.
"Yeah, he looks pretty bad," the other said. "It definitely looks like swine flu."
"You should call work tomorrow and tell them you have to go to the hospital," the first continued.
At this point I thought "This dream doesn't make any sense. Why would they be the ones telling me I had swine flu? Why wouldn't it be a doctor?"
Eventually I realized that this wasn't a dream; they were actually in my room, and they were drunkenly trying to convince me to stay up drinking with them and call in sick to work the next day.

Sneak Peek at the Upcoming "Red Dawn" Remake

I can't say I'm really sold on the new direction they've decided to take: